Background

In non-lockdown times Mr LGD and I enjoy having friends for dinner and have a number of close friends we would regularly have “supper club” with. I.e. taking it in turns to have dinner at each others houses.

In the early days of 2020 when dinner parties were allowed!

In a number of relationships we know, including ours, the guys tends to plan and coordinate the cooking process. The girls tend to have gravitated towards assisting with preparation and making puddings. We perform the roles we enjoy most, and are good at. It works pretty well.

When our friends, Pete and Albina, told us they had been challenged to swap roles in the kitchen for a week we thought it sounded fun. Heading into the UK’s third national lockdown, we also realised it might be good entertainment. We enlisted another couple, Georgie & Jon, booked the week in the dairy, found an adjudicator (mutual friend Steve aka Rabbit) and of course set up What’s App groups!

The rules of Kitchen Swap

Each couple got to set their own rules as we wanted the game to be a personal challenge and most importantly fun.

Ours were as follows;

• 7 days (Mon-Sun)
• All meals and snacks planned by me.
• Mr LGD can help in prep, but only as directed, he can’t change things.
• Advice can be given when requested but not unsolicited.
• The same dish can only be used twice.
• I can’t just use Get Loose (where I work) recipes.
• Items from the freezer can be used but no homemade ready meals.

Steve was placed in both What’s App groups, both for his entertainment and for extra support!

Each day the couples shared short videos of how they were feeling and photos of the food. On the Friday night we had a Zoom dinner party for a general catch up and to talk more about how it was going.

Keeping it simple with sardines on toast!

How I found it

Planning

It was really interesting to plan a whole week of meals on my own. Something I haven’t done in a while! It started with the list of vegetables from the allotment that needed using, plus a couple of things from Get Loose I wanted to include. I challenged myself to try and use up some items in the freezer that had been in there a while.

Using our Evernote recipe folder I searched for key ingredients and found suitable recipes. We also keep a spreadsheet of recipes we have made, where they are from, notes and a score. I enjoyed going back to the beginning of this, picking dishes we hadn’t made in a while.

Lentil & vegetable curry with roti, not made this in a long time!

I kept into consideration time constraints, and where we would both be on different days. Although that turned out to not be necessary. Mr LGD tested positive for COVID before the week started, so we were self-isolating. By the first day of Kitchen Swap he couldn’t smell or taste much!

The cooking

Having more time than expected (due to self-isolating) meant that the cooking was considerably more relaxing than anticpated. Feeling time-pressured is the part I least enjoy about cooking.

Remembering I was in charge of the timings took a bit of practice. Normally I just ask “what shall I do next”!

Saturday brunch, practicing my timing skills!

The whole process reminded me that I can do this. It’s quite enjoyable without time pressures.

The worst thing that happened was putting a saucepan on the hob with no water in it! The saucepan is recovering.

I also forgot to wash the cauliflower in a curry. It had a little grit in it!

Mr LGD perspective

Cooking has always been an important part of my life and identity. It is one of my key creative outlets. I gain enjoyment and relaxation each time I step into the kitchen.

Mr LGD organising a charity supper club

Ms LGD and I often cook together, but letting her take control of both planning and execution gave me insights into how certain roles in our relationship have developed over the years.

The most challenging part of the process was not offering advice when I would have done something differently. I released that relinquishing control was hard, but that by offering unsolicited advice I was being unfair on Ms LGDs ability and creativity. Learning to let go of my control, and accepting with gratitude, that I was having a lovely and loving meal was the antidote and education I needed. How often in relationships do we get stuck in roles, and exert our control, when really the best thing we could do is allow the other partner room to grow?

Despite losing my smell and some of my taste due to COVID, the meals that Ms LGD made were wonderful. While I know that she does not get the same level of enjoyment as I do from cooking. It has helped us both to realise that from time-to-time we should step out of our regular patterns. Changing the roles we play, challenging ourselves and our assumptions is a healthy way to grow on a personal level and in our relationship. Perhaps I will challenge her to book the next holiday!

What we are going to change?

The food planning is going to be added as an item on our weekly meeting. This will enable me to be more involved in it as previously it would often be done while I was not around. We might not get the whole week planned but at least a start.

I have committed to taking charge of planning, and cooking, for one day a month. We will book it in the diary so I can ensure I have enough time.

An opportunity to practice came along quite quickly. A week later I made a vegan hot pot while Mr LGD was volunteering for Foodcycle. It came out pretty well!

Vegan Hot Pot in production

Other points

• As we were in National Lockdown and self-isolating the challenge was a great distraction.
• Interacting with close friends every day was lovely.
• Learning more about their relationships was really interesting and deepened our connection.

The Kitchen Swap video

We all made short video diaries each day. There will be a video montage of our challenge highlights, once Pete has finished editing it. I will share this when I can.