Mr Little Green Duckie (Mr LGD) and I have set joint intentions each year for the last few years. We also review the progress at the end of each month and plan for the next month.
NOTE; this post was written well before the COVID-19 pandemic and subsequent restrictions. We have adjusted our practices accordingly. I give some examples below.
Setting the intentions
We decided a few years ago that as we had a number of joint informal intentions it would be good to make sure they actually happen. Also called “things we want to do this year”.
Around the end of the year (but you could start this at any time) we sit down in a dedicated, no distraction space and talk about what we want to do together. This helps us focus our time together and ensures things that are important to us don’t get missed.
These can be anything at all, of course it’s your list. For us the list this year includes, among other things;
- setting a date for the monthly total chill night (see my post about this practice)
- regular yoga practice (we do Yoga with Adriene videos most days)
- a monthly cultural activity
- a monthly movie night
- organising London friend catch ups
- organising non London close friend visiting
- booking in a monthly swing dancing social
NOTE; With the COVID-19 restrictions we have temporarily amended some of these. For example we are taking regular online swing dance classes and watching theatre online. Many cultural institutions have released extra content online, either free or for a donation. Seeing friends in person has changed to video calls.
The monthly review / planning
Near the end of each month, we sit down in a dedicated, no distraction space and go through how each one went. Did it happen? Did some progress happen? The exact details all depends on the intention. We give it a green, orange or red colour and make notes by each one as appropriate.
We then copy the list of intentions for the next month, going through each item again in planning mode. For example;
- What date are we going to do movie night?
- Who is going to message friends X about inviting them over for dinner as we don’t have a catch up booked in?
Again we make notes next to each one. Our “Microsoft To Do” system) / diaries also come in handy at this point.
Sometimes things don’t work out but that’s fine. Life, work, illness all get in the way. These are not goals, with SMART objectives, these are intentions of what we want to try and do together. If something is regularly not happening we have a discussion about the barriers. Can they be overcome? Or is that intention no longer serving one, or both of us?
Why I find intentions useful
Life can be distracting, I find. Weeks used to go past and we hadn’t watched a movie together. Booking in to see our non London friends, especially, would be a lot less frequent than we would like. Now many of them have kids this makes advance diary coordination essential!
As someone who likes planning it feels nice to know that all our joint essential intentions are in progress and not being forgotten.
It also gives our month, and limited free time together, a focus.
The Mr LGD perspective
Unlike LGD I’m not a natural planner, although I have become more so over the years. I’m more inclined to get easily distracted and be more spontaneous, While these are not bad traits, indeed they have bought balance to our relationship, the monthly intention review and personal intention setting has helped give me focus.
It also allows me to give my voice to areas of our relationship that I would like to focus on more. Ensuring we do joint activities that might be more to my inclination such as a movie night. This collaborative approach strengthens our relationship. It also ensures that one of us is not resentful of the other because we are only doing activities that they prefer.
The process helps me to be more organised, to keep in touch with friends, and to meet some of my own personal intentions.
Other relevant posts
Why we have a regular relationship check in
Over to you…
While each relationship is different, by trying different techniques that work for other people you can see what works for you.
How to do ensure things you enjoy as a couple happen?
Do you have any tips to help others?
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